My Hidden Truth...
You know how a birthday just make you re-evaluate everything you thought you had under control in your life? With a birthday coming up, I’m feeling that right about now.
This month's theme is “intensity” and oh boy, am I experiencing that first hand. Anyone else feeling that energy this month?
As I re-examine where I am in life, what I’m doing, where I’m going, who I’m with, what the outline of my life looks like, I come to realize that I’m overall really happy. Like extremely happy. Life truly is good and I’m a grateful beyond words for the people in my life, the experiences I have and the things I’m provided with.
However, I have to be a little honest, I’ve been stressing out about my business. I’m coming to a ginormous realization that I’m not clear, at all, with who I’m trying to serve, what my purpose is and what story I’m telling. Yikes! Those are all seriously loaded questions.
So as I sat on my yoga mat this morning, (well, actually it was a towel because in my busyness that I call life, I forgot my yoga mat), I came to find fierce clarity around all of these questions that have literally been nagging at my heart for what seems like an eternity. Okay, that eternity part was a little dramatized, but still.
This moment brought tears to my eyes, I understood what I needed to do, who I needed to serve and that my story, my honest and true story was enough after all.
Without further ado, I want to share with you what I’ve discovered within this moment of stillness and clarity.
It occurred to me that I had literally been experiencing and living in the shoes of the clients I want to work with. Here I was, the queen of “YES” among a generation of “YES” women. We all say “yes” to everything, right? For me it was...
- Keeping up at work, trying to keep my head above water and happily picking up others slack.
- Keeping my personal life organized and maintaining an image of looking put together, despite what was really going on behind the scenes.
- Healthy dinner for my partner and I, check!
- Social engagements and maintaining that "social butterfly" status? Yep, yep!
- Being a rock star and perfect in my relationship.
- Finding time to workout and maintain a sexy body. On it!
And ya know what, this was all fine and dandy, for a while. Until that moment when my sheer exhaustion and overwhelm caught up with me and I hit a wall. Really, really hard. I definitely would have bruised if it wasn’t just a figure of speech. I didn't want to leave the house, let alone leave my bed. Work, ugh. Don't even remind me. #overload
As far as my "organized life." Yeah, I don't even know where that disappeared to. Organization seemed like a foreign word! Eating healthy? Did someone say chocolate and mac n' cheese? Social engagements? I couldn't even. Working out? Yeah, right! Does lifting my coffee cup to my mouth count?
I crashed! My overwhelm had gotten the best of me and I couldn't run on an empty tank anymore. I had lost interest in basically everything that ever meant anything to me. I realized that I was carrying around what I call, silent sadness. It had built up in me without even realizing it. This made me start to question who I had become. I simply didn't want to do anything.
Did this mean I was lazy? Was I uninteresting and boring to be around? Had I failed those around me and let them down? Why could I find no joy or passion in the things in my life? From the outsider’s perspective, and my own, my life seemed pretty perfect. But under the fluff, the rush, and the attempt to stay on top of the world, I had ignored the building up of silent sadness and overwhelm. Until it slapped me across the face and dropped me to the ground like "Helllllooooooo!"
I had a realization, I couldn't keep going at this pace. I realized that NOTHING was wrong with ME that got me here. But rather the inability to say “no.”
So here's the deal. If you're feeling this way, like myself, or have a lingering feeling that you're heading in this direction, I want you to know that this is what I’ve come to understand for myself and for you.
- You are not lazy.
- You are far from uninteresting and boring.
- You haven't let anyone down.
- You haven't lost your passion or joy.
- You're not alone.
You are amazing. Not very many people could accomplish the things you have this far. So, first and foremost, give yourself a LOT of credit and realize these things.
- Overwhelm has gotten the best of you.
- Your tank is totally empty and you've been running on fumes way too long.
- The people pleaser in you has said "YES" to too many things without evaluating the detrimental outcome.
So, there it is. I finally found clarity. I finally understand who I need to serve. With that, I want you to be the first to know that there is going to be a lot coming to you this upcoming new year of my life to help you overcome these feelings. Lot’s of freebies, lots of inspiration, encouragement and virtual hugs and high-fives as you start to transform, should you choose to. Be sure to watch out for all the goodies coming your way and please be sure to share with your friends and loved ones who you think may benefit from what I have to offer as well. Encourage them to sign up for my email list so they never miss a beat or a freebie that just may change their lives, and yours, forever.
It’s in moments like these, where the Universe challenges us to reexamine and question the most difficult things. It’s in these times that we grow, we expand, and we create space. Space for more joy, authenticity, and above all things, love for ourselves.